How to Ask for Consent — But Make It Sexy
From spicy games to prompts, ethical porn director, Angie Rowntree, shares her best tips.
From pleasure to STI testing, sex education forgot to teach us a lot, which can make sex feel more trivialized than it needs to be. One of those things on the long list of sh-t sex ed is consent. Given its essential for sex, asking for consent can make some people feel awkward or give no rizz. But in all reality, asking for consent doesn’t have to kill the mood. So, to help you keep things spicy, ethical porn director and founder of Sssh.com, Angie Rowntree, shares her expert tips for inquiring about consent.
Change your tone of voice.
“In a sexy whisper rather than a matter-of-fact tone, you could say something like, “I want to be inside you,” or, “I want you inside me.” That sentiment should garner a yes or no response from your partner; things can happen organically from there.”
Act it out.
“There are many ways to turn consent into a kind of sensual game that requests your partner to do certain things, if they consent. One of the most common ways to do this is hearing the phrase, ‘tell me what you want,’ and then acting it out. It becomes a dirty-talk-turned-physical sort of scenario that establishes consent in a way that turns on anyone involved.”
Rowntree continues: “Domination/submission style game. Have your partner tell you exactly where to touch them and what to do as part of a domination/submission style game.”
Play “Hot and Cold.”
“This naughty spin on an old favorite involves one partner thinking of something they want their partner to do, sexually, and using only ‘hot, hotter, cold, colder’ to help their partner navigate to the right area or action. Have your partner start with two fingers anywhere on your body.”
As they move their fingers around, use ‘hot’ or ‘hotter’ to let them know they’re getting closer, and ‘cold’ or ‘colder’ to indicate they’re going in the wrong direction. When they reach the perfect spot, a simple ‘yes’ will tell them they can play there until you say stop and start a new round of naughty play. To make it more fun, try blindfolding your partner.”
Discuss erotic fantasies.
“Discuss a specific erotic fantasy you want to act out with your partner. Some examples could be a loud patron being reprimanded by the librarian, the thief who gets caught breaking into a police officer’s home, or any other scenario you fantasize about. Discuss the specifics and specify anything that is off-limits that might arise, and make sure you have a safe word! See what fantasies you can create together and how much excitement they add to sex.”
Play “May I?”
“One person asks their partner if they can do certain things in the ‘Mother, May I?’ game fashion. For those who never played, the naughty version isn’t far off from the original version, so use your imagination! This can be played with 2 or more people and is great for a threesome game. One person starts and asks permission and receives approval to act on these actions. An example might be; Brian: May I lick your clit one time? Jane: No, but you may lick my nipple three times. Brian: May I suck your big toe? Jane: Yes, you may suck my toes for eight seconds. With this particular game, you not only receive consent for sexual acts, but for every single individual action as you build anticipation and excitement towards climax.”
In other news, here’s how to practice sexual self-care.
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