Sex & Dating

Ask a (S)expert: "How Much Self-Pleasure Is Too Much?"

Welcome to our series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.

9,129 Hypes

Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expertThis new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.

Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡


“How do I know if I’m masturbating too much? What’s normal?”

Hey bae! Happy Masturbation May :) “Too much” and “normal” are all subjective! When it comes to self-pleasure, emphasize “self.” Ask yourself what feels good to you, especially, how often you enjoy masturbating. As women, we’re not taught that pleasure can be a priority so I want to use this moment to encourage you to explore your pleasure.

Now, just like with food, too much of anything is bad for you. A great method for measuring if something is “bad” for you – in quotations because again, that’s subjective – gauge whether it’s interfering with your acts of daily functioning. For example, daily hygiene, showing up for work or school or ruining your partnered sex life. Fun fact, this is what helps therapists diagnose a behavior as harmful.

Most women “masturbate roughly once a week or 49 times a year” according to a study conducted by Womanizer. If that doesn’t sound like a lot to you, you’re not the only one having qualms with the news. Social stigmas and lack of sex education have taught us that only men “rub one out.” As a result, encouraging women to orgasm is an industry-wide effort.

 

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Of course, we can’t have a (S)expert sesh without spilling my personal tea, so I’ll share a little bit of my pleasure journey for context.

When I first started living on my own, partnered sex, aka f-ck buddies, took priority over masturbation. Then, I learned that self-pleasure was a great hack for calming my nerves and anxiety when switching careers. All of a sudden, Sunday scaries weren’t so scary. Before I knew it, I was rubbing one out every morning like I made my daily cup of coffee. Now? I’m 27 years old with way more on her daily to-do list so morning orgasms aren’t always possible. But during my ovulation period? That’s another story.

The point is that your journey with pleasure will change many times in your life. If you’re enjoying self-pleasure and it’s not interfering with your responsibilities, keep enjoying it.

You deserve it.

Still not convinced? Keep reading for 3 signs you’re masturbating “too much.”

Best of luck, bae!

Signs you’re masturbating “too much”

1. Loss of sensitivity.

2. Your partnered sex life suffers because of your pleasure frequency.

3. It’s distracting you from your responsibilities like school and work.

This article was originally published on May 3, 2024.

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