Sex & Dating

Ask a (S)expert: “Is It Ever Ok to Date Your Friend’s Ex?”

Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.

4,070 Hypes

Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expertThis new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.

Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡


“Am I a bad person for thinking about dating my friend’s ex?”

Hey bae! Dating your friend’s ex is a recipe for disaster and most importantly, against the rules of girl code. But, before we dive in it’s important to acknowledge why girl code exists.

Girl code is a set of rules we’ve created as women to protect ourselves from the patriarchy. For example, never leaving your friends at a club by themselves or warning a woman if she’s dating a creep. These are acts of solidarity with grave consequences if not followed.

Dating your friend’s ex is no different. I say this with the toughest of love: you’re probably only thinking of yourself, so dating this person doesn’t seem like a “big deal.” In reality, this action comes with several consequences but the biggest being, that this person will never respect you or trust you, because they’ve witnessed you disrespecting a member of your community.

Dating and allowing yourself to fall in love is a very intimate journey. Breakups, on the other hand, can be very painful and life-changing experiences. The decision you’re grappling with has the potential to hurt your friend emotionally.

This can backfire in other ways, too. For example, they may not be over their relationship with your friend. If so, you run the risk of becoming the side piece to what you perceive to be your own relationship. Alternatively, you and this ex may have internalized biases stemming from their past relationship. Case in point, your friend may have confided in their ex-partner about you in the past creating a perceived notion on who you are and thus, treating you accordingly.

So, if you’re thinking about it — just don’t. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule so if you believe you are it… run it by your friend and see what she thinks.

Best of luck, bae!

For more, explore our favorite Valentine’s Day lingerie shops.

Read Full Article
Text By
Share this article

What to Read Next

Ask a (S)expert: "Is Having a Backup Boyfriend Cheating?"
Sex & Dating

Ask a (S)expert: "Is Having a Backup Boyfriend Cheating?"

Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
2,663 Hypes

Ask a (S)expert: "Is It Sexual Tension or Am I Overthinking It?"
Sex & Dating

Ask a (S)expert: "Is It Sexual Tension or Am I Overthinking It?"

Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
6,817 Hypes

Ask a (S)expert: “Is It Too Soon To Bring Bae Home for the Holidays?”
Sex & Dating

Ask a (S)expert: “Is It Too Soon To Bring Bae Home for the Holidays?”

Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
1,210 Hypes


Ask a (S)expert: “Is My Situationship Turning Into a Relationship?”
Sex & Dating

Ask a (S)expert: “Is My Situationship Turning Into a Relationship?”

Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
12,058 Hypes

5 Glass Sex Toys That Double as Home Decor
Sex & Dating

5 Glass Sex Toys That Double as Home Decor

For the kinky, eclectic and bold baes in the chat.
9,914 Hypes

From America to Korea: VCHA Has Officially Arrived
Music

From America to Korea: VCHA Has Officially Arrived

Hypebae chats to A2K’s first official girl group.
34,829 Hypes

It's Giving Glitter: The Best Beauty Buys To Make You Sparkle
Beauty

It's Giving Glitter: The Best Beauty Buys To Make You Sparkle

Including eyeshadows, powder pigments and liquid liners for all skin tones.
1,829 Hypes


Nike Readies Valentine's Day Offering With "City of Love" Pack
Footwear

Nike Readies Valentine's Day Offering With "City of Love" Pack

The season of love is upon us.
4,799 Hypes

Timberland Tells the Tale of Black Adventurers With the Black Pioneer Collection
Footwear 

Timberland Tells the Tale of Black Adventurers With the Black Pioneer Collection

Honoring the rich history of Black explorers, the collection’s campaign was creatively captured in partnership with the Oklahoma Cowboys Foundation.
20,488 Hypes

At Cou Cou, Valentine’s Day Is “For You, Not for Them”
Sex & Dating

At Cou Cou, Valentine’s Day Is “For You, Not for Them”

“A day to live through our female, embodied experience rather than to be perceived.”
13,291 Hypes

LELO Redesigns Pleasure On-the-Go with Sona 2 Travel
Sex & Dating

LELO Redesigns Pleasure On-the-Go with Sona 2 Travel

Turns out 2023 is indeed the year of the clitoral massager.
3,135 Hypes

These Are the Best Period Pants To Buy Right Now
Fashion

These Are the Best Period Pants To Buy Right Now

Leakproof designs made for those who menstruate.
1,924,574 Hypes

RAYE Is Entering Her Fitness Era With H&M Move
Fashion

RAYE Is Entering Her Fitness Era With H&M Move

We caught up with the record-breaking BRIT nominee to find out more.
2,900 Hypes

More ▾
 
Subscribe to our Newsletter

Keep updated on the latest news.

By subscribing, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Looks like you’re using an ad-blocker

We charge advertisers instead of our readers. Support us by whitelisting our site.

Whitelist Us

How to Whitelist Us

screenshot
  1. Click the AdBlock icon in the browser extension area in the upper right-hand corner.
  2. Under “Pause on this site” click “Always”.
  3. Refresh the page or click the button below to continue.
screenshot
  1. Click the AdBlock Plus icon in the browser extension area in the upper right-hand corner.
  2. Block ads on – This website” switch off the toggle to turn it from blue to gray.
  3. Refresh the page or click the button below to continue.
screenshot
  1. Click the AdBlocker Ultimate icon in the browser extension area in the upper right-hand corner.
  2. Switch off the toggle to turn it from “Enabled on this site” to “Disabled on this site”.
  3. Refresh the page or click the button below to continue.
screenshot
  1. Click the Ghostery icon in the browser extension area in the upper right-hand corner.
  2. Click on the “Ad-Blocking” button at the bottom. It will turn gray and the text above will go from “ON” to “OFF”.
  3. Refresh the page or click the button below to continue.
screenshot
  1. Click the UBlock Origin icon in the browser extension area in the upper right-hand corner.
  2. Click on the large blue power icon at the top.
  3. When it turns gray, click the refresh icon that has appeared next to it or click the button below to continue.
screenshot
  1. Click the icon of the ad-blocker extension installed on your browser.You’ll usually find this icon in the upper right-hand corner of your screen. You may have more than one ad-blocker installed.
  2. Follow the instructions for disabling the ad blocker on the site you’re viewing.You may have to select a menu option or click a button.
  3. Refresh the page or click the button below to continue.