Ask a (S)expert: “Are Boysober Women Femcels?”
Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.
Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡
“Does being boysober make me a femcel?”
Hey bae! Given that the girls are going boysober for Mercury Retrograde and beyond — this question is in perfect timing. Aaand, if I’m as psychic as I’d like to believe, you probably saw that one comment from a literal hater who wrote “boysober is a strange way to say femcel,” under our latest discussion piece.
For the baes new to the chat, the term boysober refers to a movement marked by comedian Hope Woodard. Specifically, it’s her year long break from sex and dating, and as NYTimes stated, it’s almost a celibacy rebrand.
As the movement rises to trend status — blame the Supreme Court for overturning Roe v. Wade and the patriarchy — baes within our community are grappling with their new era. So you’re actually not the first to ask me whether being boysober makes you a femcel, if that’s any consolation.
In my sexpert opinion, being boysober does not make you a femcel. Femcels are women who are involuntarily celibate, as in, no one’s interested in them, despite their clear desire. Boysober girlies do receive romantic and sexual attraction, they just don’t care to acknowledge it for a number of reasons. Some women do so because of fears surrounding Roe v. Wade and their limited options in the case of unexpected pregnancy, while others refuse to put up with another talking stage with a mysoginist. Given that every woman is different, there are a number of reasons to choose celibacy, and they’re all valid.
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Don’t want to take my word for it? Here’s what the bae community has to say:
“I like ‘boysober’ as a term versus celibacy because between me and my crotch wand, aint nothin celibate happening over here.”
“Having a year to myself with just enjoying life and friends was the best thing i ever did in my late 20s. it allowed me to grow and truly learn how to love myself. It also taught me how not to take shit from no bozo ass men and that i deserve better than the bare minimum!!”
“I’m boysober and alcohol sober lol ♡”
“No STD’s, STI’s, Pregnancy, and not worrying about someone cheating on me? I love it over here 🥳🍾”
“Best thing I ever did in my life!!!You really get to see how these men operate without sex/emotions clouding your judgement 💯 Told my self I’d be celibate for at least 12 months and only break it for someone worth it. Made it to 15 months and we’ve been going strong 9 years ❤️”
For more sex and dating, Mia Khalifa merges style and sex-positivity.
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