Did They Give You the "Ick?" or Are You Being Toxic Again?
A dating expert weighs in on your self-sabotage.
Dating app Badoo ran a poll and according to almost half of singletons, they’ve counted out a potential over the “ick.” You may not know the term, but you’ve definitely seen the “she’s a ten but,” discourse or an “ick” list floating through TikTok by now. Wherever you’ve seen the term, just know it’s much deeper than a three-letter word.
An ick is anything that turns you off about someone, but if you’ve had your fair share of toxic moments, you know that it’s also the greatest cop-out of all time. If you claim someone gives you the ick, you can usually hold onto that as a reason to end the connection. In all reality, however, it’s just sabotage.
Dating expert Sarah Louise Ryan has created a mini checklist for you when you get the urge to cop out.
Keep scrolling for your new go-to guide for checking toxic behaviors.
1. Remember who’s in charge. Spoiler alert: it’s you. An ick can literally only take over if you let it so Ryan suggests, taking ownership and “really think about how you feel — regardless of the ick. If you still don’t feel a connection, it could be best you part ways. But if something’s there, it’s worth trying to push past it.”
2. Consider what’s actually important. Ryan says, “If it’s something fickle such as the shoes they wear, remember we are compatible with people based on both similarities and differences. So try to embrace them as opposed to being put off by them.”
3. Manage your triggers. Your critiques could possibly be rooted in relationship fears. The best way to identify this is to “think hard about what’s causing it,” Ryan shared. “If it’s the same scenario and set of circumstances making you feel icky, then maybe there’s more to it than what’s on the surface. Perhaps it’s something deeper like getting clear on what’s hurt you in the past so you can acknowledge, deal and heal, to create a more positive and successful dating journey.”