Ask a (S)expert: “My Job Is Ruining Our Sex Life...”
Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.
Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡
“For the past half of a year, I’ve been working too much, and the stress and traveling highly affected my libido. I don’t feel sexy nor do I feel horny. I’m already fixing my work-life balance but would appreciate any tips on how to get horny again (my boyfriend would highly appreciate that as well lol). Thanks! “
Hey bae! I love this question because in all reality, having a great sex life requires effort as you age and responsibilities increase. We’re also in a sex recession so more people might relate to you than you’d think. It sounds like you’ve already begun the necessary work to adjust your work-life balance and understand how work stress can decrease your sex drive which is the first step.
How to Schedule Sex Without Feeling Weird
One method that helps couples struggling with work/sex life balance is scheduling sex. I know, I know. What sounds less sexy than scheduling pleasure. But, as you age that intention becomes increasingly important. In fact, a 2023 study found that 36% of couples resort to scheduling sex and it has greatly improved their relationship. So much so, that some couples took pride in reporting that they use Google Calendar to keep track. To avoid it feeling “weird,” view this schedule as a set date night where you both get to experience each other intimately. Experts report that this increases communication, intimacy and anticipation — great benefits for long-term couples.
What’s the ideal sex schedule?
According to research, most couples have sex twice or so a month so don’t go overboard trying to craft the “perfect” sex life. No pressure of orgasm or having to try certain things. Focus on creating a schedule that feels authentic for both of you.
Lelo
How do I increase my libido?
Like you shared, stress from work, especially when traveling, can disrupt libido and intimacy with your partner. Thankfully, there are a number of options that can help boost your desire from sex serums to supplements to working out.
But first, I’d hone in on your relationship with yourself. Do things that make you feel sexy. From your favorite lingerie to booking a boudoir session, what’s important is that you feel in tune with yourself, so you can understand what you desire. If booking a session is out of your price range, try an at-home shoot with these poses.
Since you’ve been already been feeling a low libido this is a great time to try new things. Think of past fantasies you used to dream about fulfilling. Explore them with your partner, without the pressure of orgasming. By trying new things, you’ll both be able to keep score of what feels good, and what doesn’t. This will help you “meet” your new sexual self as you work on amending your work-life balance and increase your confidence as you’re determining what you do and don’t like.
Lelo
Sex serums, arousal oils and libido supplements
Lastly, there are a number of sexual wellness products that can help foster intimacy and desire. Libido supplements are our first choice as they’re non-invasive ways to stimulate drive. Following the pandemic, low libido has become a growing issue and led to the rise of libido supplements so they’re very accessible.
Sex serums are another option, however, instead of consuming orally, they’re applied to the genitals externally. As shared in our guide to sex serums, it “combines the benefits of sex lubricants, which reduce friction, and arousal oils, which stimulate wetness and increase sensitivity for elevated pleasure,” or that tingly feeling that leads to mind-blowing orgasms.
Speaking of that tingly feeling, arousal oils have the same effect. However, unlike sex serums, they can’t be used during partnered sex with condoms or silicone sex toys as the oils break them down so we’d recommend tapping sex serums.
All in all, the options for elevating your coupled sex life are endless. Gaining a work-life balance is essential for a healthy wellness routine — especially your sexual wellness routine. Following up with scheduled intimacy with your partner and yourself will help maintain the connection while also providing the pleasure you’ve been missing at work and on the road. If you need an extra boost, feel free to tap libido supplements and sex serums as they’re absolutely worth the hype.
Best of luck, bae!
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