Ask a (S)expert: "Take a Break or Break Up?"
Welcome to our series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.
Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡
“Should we take a break from the relationship or just break up?”
Hey bae! Great question – but prepare for some honest, big sister advice.
When Jada Pinkett Smith told the world she and her husband, Will, were separated for seven years the world collectively screamed: “Why not just break up?” “Breaks” are a controversial topic before we unpack, let’s clarify the difference between taking a break, and breaking up.
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Taking a break is a short pause in the relationship. This pause allows both people in the relationship to decide if the break should be permanent or short-term. Breaking up, on the other hand, is permanent.
Some people think taking a break is a “cop-out” and an excuse to have sex with other people without “cheating.” If this is where your head is at, babe that’s micro-cheating and you’re still f-cking up.
However, there are lots of couples that have taken breaks and came back to eachother. Like they say, absence sometimes does make the heart go fonder. Since you’re stuck between decisions, keep reading for five signs it’s time to break up — instead of taking a break.
You’re having the same argument, repeatedly.
Conflict can be good for a relationship. But having the same conflict without resolution? This will only make you feel stuck and send your nervous system into constant fight-or-flight mode.
You don’t trust them.
Is the trust broken beyond repair? It might be time to stop banging your head against a wall and split.
Your goals don’t align.
Opposites attract — yes. But just how opposite is the growth? Are you guys growing together or apart?
“Why are you guys still together?”
Your friends are your support system, so if they’ve noticed you’ve been complaining more than you smile… it might be time to cut your losses.
You’re micro-cheating…
When we don’t want something but fear change, we self-sabotage. You might’ve stopped sending those daily good morning texts or redownloaded dating apps. If you find yourself micro-cheating, take it as a sign from your subconscious that you’re ready to leave the relationship.
Best of luck, bae!
For tips on how to navigate a break up, drop a question in the dropbox.
In other news, here are The Oh Collective’s top tips for self-pleasure.
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