Ask a (S)expert: "Are 'Friends Who Kiss' the New 'Friends With Benefits'?"
Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.
Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡
“Can friends… kiss?”
Hey baes! This week we’re doing something a little different – diving into my dating life. Why? Well, I’ve landed on a new trend and I’m straddling the fence of whether it’s toxic or not. So who better to share it with than the baes because let’s be real, if anyone’s going to call us out on our sh-t in the comments section it’s you guys.
From Feeld to Hinge (but mostly on Hinge), I’ve noticed a new relationship style: friends who kiss. You know, right under that “what are your relationship goals and intentions” bit that trips most of us up.
As a queer woman and relationship anarchist, “unconventional” connection is always up for exploration. But given the horny nature of dating apps, I can’t help but wonder: “How long until friends who kiss unintentionally becomes friends who fuck?”
In the past few years, it seems like more and more people are identifying as polyamorous on dating apps. As a result, it makes sense that new styles of connection are rising in popularity. Now, as someone who’s been ethically non-monogamous for 7 years, I have to admit that some are truly poly and others are just intrigued by the idea of multiple sexual partners which always ends in disaster.
For some, kissing is strictly for romantic partners. For others, kisses are like confetti – you sprinkle it and have a good time.
Naturally, the Sex & Dating Editor in me just had to experiment and figure this out. After all, I’m single with nothing to lose so why not? A week into the layered friendship and all I could think was: “This feels like girl time… with benefits?” And given my experiences on Hinge, it tracks.
Hinge has (whether intentional or not) become the new Tinder, with most people using it for more casual dynamics and flings. The irony of this is that on the daily, I receive countless emails from reputable sex and dating brands declaring that Gen Z is no longer having sex.
This led me to my next thought: are friends who kiss the next best thing? Instead of opting for sex, we hope for intimacy – without attachment. (Given the overturning of Roe v Wade and celibacy rising to trend status, this seems like a valid possibility) Or was I on track for yet another chaotic and life-altering friendship breakup? Cause let’s be real, those hurt way worse.
In my opinion, all is well with consistent and healthy communication. So this doesn’t necessarily have to be a recipe for disaster. But if I’ve learned anything on dating apps, it’s to not be surprised if it does.
Only time will tell… but what do you think? Can you have friends who kiss?
In other news, here are the spiciest moments from SS25 Fashion Month.
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