Pivoting My Pussy Power in a Post-Roe World
Can we really promote sex-positivity in this political climate?
A few weeks ago, discussions about the possibility of Roe v. Wade being overturned sent me into a frenzy. I couldn’t imagine living a life where I wasn’t in control of my body and swiftly reclaimed my sexual energy by rejecting hookup culture. As someone who’s pro-hoe, this was a huge pivot. But now, some time has passed since receiving the somber news and after a chat with our Instagram followers, I think a sluttier approach might be more fit. Hear me out.
Sex is essential.
As a sex and dating editor and former sex worker, my approach to sexuality is usually pro-choice and pro-hoe. You have the power to create the best sex life for yourself. But after the news, one of my biggest concerns was: How can I encourage a collective of femmes to live their best, most authentic sex lives when the government just brought all fun to a screeching halt? Will my role even be needed? Because all I could think at the moment was “f-ck sex.”
Saweetie
Before we begin, it’s important to note that I’m pro-hoe and pro-choice. Basically, when it comes to your sexuality, you should live your truth no matter what.
However, I think that revealed an underlying issue. Sex is referenced in many walks of life as an additive. Where we aim to normalize sexuality or at least have fun with it, we’ve created a perspective where sex is not essential. Instead, it’s become something you can enjoy if you choose to “liberate” yourself or in other perspectives, only when you choose to commit to marriage.
But our relationship with sex, in my opinion, should be regarded as essential. Think about it, our brains are quite literally hardwired to crave sex and reward ourselves with happy hormones when we do indulge.
Unbound
So, our Instagram followers weighed in.
When I asked our Instagram followers how the overturning of Roe v. Wade was affecting their sex lives, the responses were varied, but all of them confirmed my suspicions. Women felt out of touch with their sexuality and because the most immediate concern was losing access to safe abortions, some women felt guilty for thinking about their relationship with pleasure.
Within just two weeks, our followers had already experienced drastic changes in their sex lives. One of our followers revealed to us: “I went from having unprotected sex every other night to no sex for two weeks with my long-term boyfriend.” Another shared that she’d developed paranoia, as well: “I’ve gotten pregnant even being on birth control, I’m paranoid that it can happen again.”
After seeing these responses, I instantly knew that my work with sexuality wasn’t done. If anything, the need intensified. Women have always been shamed for sexual behavior, but now, that shame is paired with new life-threatening scenarios and, sadly, more guilt. Shame, guilt and fear are not only the quickest ways to stifle your sexual energy, but they’re detrimental to your mental health, as well. As a holistic woman – I view that as a major issue.
Are we truly sex-positive?
Seeing as sex positivity gained traction in the past two decades, you would think the world would be past policing women’s bodies. But instead, we’ve seen people push back against sex positivity on a national level – and win. All in the name of patriarchy and religion. Sex is not a luxury that only people with access to safe abortions and a strong government deserve. We all deserve a sex life that feels exciting and safe. Whether you want to wait until marriage or never indulge, you should have the right to choose.
Pivoting to a new form of power.
After a few weeks of realizing what a sexless life entails, I quickly pivoted from “f-ck sex” to “How can we promote sexual healing and explore our sexualities safely?”
Our sexuality is undeniably trivialized during this time, but we don’t have to neglect it. We can pivot it. Naturally, a great method is to use discernment when selecting potential partners but any woman who has liberated herself sexually knows that’s easier said than done. Thankfully, however, we do still have some forms of contraception and safe STI testing at local clinics. However, if the available forms of contraception are not in alignment with you, it might be time to get acquainted with solo sex. My favorite form of self-love, for example, is treating myself to a hotel on occasion with new sex toys and lingerie, to truly bask in my sexual energy.
I’m also implementing weekly rituals and practices that remind me of the power I do hold. It feels counterproductive to say this but as I shared earlier, it is important to remind yourself of your power now, more than ever. Practices that can involve sensual movements like yoga and raunchy music that paints the sluttiest mental picture – that’s what I want to tap into freely. Chanting p-ssy power affirmations in the mirror where I speak life into my vulva. And of course, building a community of other queer femmes and individuals with uteruses who aim to empower themselves at this time, too. But it’s important to note that for some, putting their sexual urges on hold would provide them more peace and that’s okay, too.
Tapping into your p-ssy power and uplifting yourself through affirmations and self-seduction won’t make us invincible to this sociopolitical landscape. But it does allow us to keep our personal agency and experience pleasure that we deserve. As a human, I believe that to be our birthright.
Call it an act of revolution or selfishness, either way, I’m not giving up on my sexuality and you don’t have to either.
Mcm
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