Ask a (S)expert: "Why Do I Keep Ending up in Situationships?"
Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.
Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡
“Why am I always in situationships and not relationships?”
Hey bae! This is a great question I’m sure more than one bae in the chat has. Why? Situationships are a more recent term, but we’ve watched women navigate them for generations – ahem, our favorite reference Carrie Bradshaw from SATC. Finding yourself in situationships is half the problem – so you’re asking the right question.
On a basic level, situationships offer all of the relationship perks, without commitment. However, it’s easy to trick yourself into accepting the bare minimum – or let’s be real, shit – instead of respectful treatment. Before you know it, you’re in a long-term gray area where you can’t get too intimate without scaring them away.
On that note, are you afraid of sharing your feelings? This “relationship” style could be your go-to because it allows you to avoid vulnerability.
Constantly finding yourself in situationships can be a sign of low self-worth, too. When you have to end a situation with someone, do you hesitate because you’re unsure if you can find someone better? This is a clear sign you’re settling.
Lastly, you may also lack intention or boundaries while dating. Truthfully, it sounds like you’re hoping for a committed relationship. Try making a list of nonnegotiables, with lack of commitment being one of them, and another list of things you’re excited about within partnership. When dating, steer clear of nonnegotiables to save yourself time. Sometimes, all you have to do is set an intention.
The bottom line is: situationships are inconsistent, with no future planning and an overall fear of commitment. Be honest with yourself about what you desire and don’t waver from that. Anything less, and you might as well gear up for your next situationship!
Best of luck, bae!
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