Ask a (S)expert: “Is My Situationship Turning Into a Relationship?”
Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.
Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡
“How will I know if my situationship is turning into a relationship?”
Hey bae! I have to admit this question is a doozy. Situationships are notorious for stringing lovers along and avoiding commitment. So, before we dive into advice I have to share a friendly, big sister reminder to think logically and look at the facts. Ok? Ok, let’s dive in!
Their actions match their words
A tell-tale sign they desire a relationship with you is when they talk about the future — and their actions support it. “Actions speak louder than words,” is a quotable for a reason. Often when in situationships, toxic behaviors like gaslighting and saying the right things to keep the peace become the norm. But relationships require commitment and action.
They’re consistent with communication and initiate difficult conversations
Speaking of commitment, it’s easy to avoid conflict or solely focus on your own perspective. A person who yearns for long term partnership with you will make an effort to communicate effectively, even if that means having a difficult conversation. If you’re noticing an increase in how often you communicate and in the depth of conversation, count that as a green flag.
No more late-night texts
Okay texts after 9pm are great, too. After all, a healthy sex life is your right. But is that the only time you hear from them? Make sure you feel seen and heard both in and outside of the bedroom. If they’re only texting you on a late night tip, they most likely have no intentions of partnership.
You meet their friends
Meeting a lovers’ community is a big step. Pay attention to how they introduce you, if they defend you — hopefully not needed, but a plus — and how they speak to you in public. Are you feeling confident, valued and appreciated? Major green flag.
They tell you that they want you
This speaks for itself. A lover who desires you on a deeper level will simply tell you.
The most important sign of all: you feel valued, seen and heard
It’s one thing for your situationship to progress into a relationship. I mean, there are women worldwide yearning for love. But make sure you’re honoring yourself and not devaluing yourself for your inner pick-me. In the end, always ask yourself: Is this what I want? Will this relationship bring out the best in me? Can we support each other, authentically? If so, you know what to do next.
Best of luck, bae!
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