Ask a (S)expert: "How TF Do I End My Situationship?"
Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.
Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡
“I need to put an end to my situationship.”
Hey bae! Congrats on choosing yourself and leaving lackluster love in the past! Cutting off situationships is definitely not easy as it can spark feelings of “it’s not that deep,” when in all reality — it absolutely is.
First, you have to disrupt any hope of a long-term relationship. So of course, this means making a “cons” list. Yes, you read that correctly. F-ck the “pro” side. You wouldn’t be here if you knew this was worth it.
Think about how this “relationship” has disrupted your love life and perception of self from settling for less to actively lying to yourself. If you still feel hope lingering, check out this article on situationship styles so you can face the truth: you got entangled in a dynamic that doesn’t serve your true needs and desires.
Next, it’s time to schedule a chat with your counterpart. This is the hard part. If you think you’re prone to falling into the “sweet nothings” trap, or make-up sex, a virtual chat will suffice. I’m aware this is highly controversial as there are countless songs and think pieces about breaking up via text and FaceTime, but the reality is, you’re trying to leave, not set yourself up.
Now, it’s time to break the news. Use “I” statements and let them know you’ve outgrown the dynamic. Share your true needs and desires, and why you’re moving on. No blaming, just honoring yourself. For example, “I value the time we spend together, but this isn’t meeting my long-term needs and feels toxic to my growth.”
Finally, set boundaries and stay strong. Don’t fall for the kiss trap. You know, when you’re explaining how you feel and they look into your eyes and kiss you, so much so that you forget what you were talking about? Yeah, no. Tighten up. Choose yourself. And welcome in real love and connection.
You got this, bae.