'Dying for Sex' Host, Nikki Boyer, on Death, Sex and Launching Her New Media Company
From documenting her late friend’s sexcapades to a new content slate.
Emmy award-winning host and creator of Ambie award-winning podcast series Dying for Sex, Nikki Boyer, sits down with Hypebae for an interview as she announces her new role as CEO and founder of DYING FOR Media.
Although we sat down with Boyer to discuss her journey as a host and now, CEO and founder of DYING FOR Media, we couldn’t begin to tell her story without honoring the legacy of her late friend, Molly Kochan — as Boyer does through every business move and story she so perfectly tells.
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With series like SEXPIRATION DATE and THAT’S NOT HOW IT F-CKING WORKS, which explores sex misinformation in the age of TikTok and other media, Boyer will continue to challenge the norm with a sex-positive tone and of course, keep Molly’s legacy alive. Boyer confesses “DYING FOR Media was formed in honor of my friend Molly Kochan, whose bravery in telling the story of the last days of her life in a brutally honest and hilarious way impacted millions of listeners, far more than either of us ever dreamed.”
Boyer and Molly — the most iconic best friend duo you’d only hope your bestie could keep up with — began their Dying for Sex journey after Molly had a sexual awakening while battling stage IV cancer. She enjoyed authentic hookups while navigating sex with cancer and the limitations of treatment — but also, treating listeners with her best sex stories, hosted by her and Boyer.
Boyer’s new company, named after the former series, will feature five new podcasts covering the themes listeners have grown to love — death, sex and everything in between. Notably, her company shares stories with an edge, just like Molly’s. Two series will actually feature people that had or almost had special relationships with Molly – cue her upcoming series SEXPIRATION DATE with a man who was interested in Molly. Unfortunately, he didn’t know Molly had already passed, but Boyer had a better idea up her sleeve.
Keep reading for an in-depth look at Nikki Boyer’s upcoming sex and death series’ and her journey from Dying for Sex to DYING FOR Media.
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Dying For Sex often explored unconventional sex and dating, such as fetishes with new lovers, extensively which expanded our perspective of sex. How did the show expand your perception of sex?
Oh, this question is so fun. You know, I think I was when I was younger, in my 20s, I was all about sex — and it was super fun. My lifestyle was all about sex at that time. So here, Molly is in her mid-40s and she’s revisiting that place that I was in, in my 20s and 30s. It was really fun to chat with her about that and learn about kinks and fetishes that I didn’t even know existed. Quite often, my mouth would be wide open while we were having lunch. And I’d be like, “What?!” But I loved it.
I’d bring it home to my fiance at the time — my husband now — and I’d be like, did you know about this, and then it would spark all these fun conversations between the two of us. So in a way, Molly’s always in bed with me. She opened my mind to things that I kind of knew were out there, but I didn’t really think were real — and then you find out it is real. It opened my mind a little bit. I love that I thought I was cool until I started doing this show and then I was like, “Oh, jeez, I’m a prude, apparently.”
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That’s so beautiful how you’ve grown through your friend’s journey. Through your new content slate, you keep Molly’s legacy of sex positivity alive and even follow similar themes from Dying for Sex like sex and death. Which of your upcoming series challenged your understanding of sex the most?
There are so many answers because we are tackling a lot of stories about sex and death. I’ve gotten really good at talking about death and kinks and fetishes but there is one new series called SEXPIRATION DATE with a male — not to make this gender-specific at all, but he is a straight male having sex with women. He’s been very open to different things, but it’s really interesting meeting a stranger who’s not your best friend, and completely diving straight into their sex life. There was no foreplay between the two of us. No “Hey, let’s have lunch or let’s get to know each other.”
We went right into talking about his sex life, which we talk about when we were recording. We laugh at how we’ve never met in person, but we’re literally having these deep, intense conversations about what he does in his sex life — and he’s just a dude that I met on Instagram. Here we are having these really deep and thoughtful conversations and he’s kind of a stranger to me.
“So in a way, Molly’s always in bed with me.”
I found myself, interestingly enough, going, “Oh, my God.” It’s one thing to have these conversations with someone that’s your best friend. But it’s another thing to have these conversations with some dude you’d ever met. It’s really challenged me. What I love about him is he’s so open and so willing to go there, that I find that I’m the one not talking about sex, and for some reason, sometimes I get uncomfortable. So it’s challenged me to kind of get my judgment out of the way, just talk about sex and normalize it. Normalize the idea that people’s bodies come together in different ways.
The funny thing is, I met him through Molly’s Instagram. He was reaching out to Molly, whose Instagram I have since she gave me access to all of her stuff. And so he reached out to Molly hoping to engage with her sexually, but he hadn’t made it to the end of the podcast — so he didn’t know she had already left us. So I reached out to him and for the last two and a half years, we have been corresponding, writing and working together. It’s just been such a cool thing to know that and I kind of wish that they would have had sex like that was my dream. It would have been so great. They would have had so much fun together.
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Do these DMs and confessions reveal a common struggle amongst femme listeners?
You know, I think there’s so much shame for women about being sexy. So often being sexy is how they look to other people, versus how they feel within themselves. I think a lot of women that are struggling with cancer and terminal illness are kind of starting to look at sexiness and sexuality from a “What do I want?” perspective.
For me, I don’t just want to look sexy so someone else finds me desirable. I want to feel sexy so that I can exude that and I think that was a theme that I’m seeing with a lot of women coming to terms with their own sexuality — this is about me, and this is about my own empowerment. So that’s been a common theme that I’ve seen and I love that.
Which of your upcoming series do you think would be Molly’s favorite?
Oh, wow. I think she would love them all. But, I’m working with this really amazing chaplain on a series called NEAR DEATH and the connection to Molly is that she was the chaplain that helped Molly pass away. Molly was not religious at all and this beautiful woman, Peggy the Christian chaplain, came into Molly’s life and helped her guide her own death. Being present for someone’s passing is such a privilege and being able to mindfully pass is such a privilege.
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Of course, through the title, Molly’s always there, which is really digging into talking about death in a way that’s not so taboo. It highlights the idea that it’s a privilege to be able to be with someone when they’re dying so I think Molly would really love that. And I think she’d have lots of questions. I always try to channel her when I’m asking Peggy my questions.
Any advice for femmes on embarking on the journey of sex positivity?
First of all, congratulations on getting there and celebrating that! I’m a big fan of doing things for myself. So if you’re gonna go for it, do a photo shoot or a sex diary. Really lean into it and find out why you want this. Why does this mean so much? Why is this important?
Because we can do things like put a bandaid on the wound. But it’s really a beautiful thing when you can take the pain that you’ve been through, process it and create something positive out of that. When you give your pain a purpose, it doesn’t feel like you’re the victim anymore. So I would say, go for it. Take the pictures, do the diary, record yourself having sex and have the best time ever. Push the envelope a little bit.
This interview has been condensed for clarity.
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