Ask a (S)expert: “My Bestie Is So Boy Crazy...”
Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.
Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡
“My best friend is becoming so boy crazy and it’s honestly so cringe. How do I tell her?”
Hey bae! This is every girl’s girl’s Roman Empire. Boy-crazy-girlies are the worst – and I’m not going to sugarcoat it. From putting you down in front of guys to dedicating their entire existence to the male gaze, boy crazy friends are exhausting to say the least. Girl code exists for a reason and friends willing to ignore it for male validation are not currently acting as your true friends so big sister advice: be careful.
1. It’s time to have a difficult conversation… but have empathy for her.
I know, I know. She’s literally throwing you under the bus for men so why? Well, our society literally encourages women to seek male validation. Thank the patriarchy. It may be hard to show your friend grace but in her mind, her goals of male validation are important, and she may not see how it affects you. As a result, you need a rule of thumb to return to when having this difficult conversation. So remember, you love your bestie, but she tends to go off the rails for boys. This conversation can go left so always revert back to that truth to avoid the conversation turning into an unhealthy argument.
If you’re struggling to find empathy for her, tune into Episode 4 of Servin’ Sex. Y2K It-Girl Yaris Sanchez dives into her conservative upbringing and how it led her to seek male validation in everything she did from plastic surgery to her career. As a sexual wellness expert, she now understands how harmful that was — but only after enduring serious trauma. It’s a journey a lot of femmes go through. It’s not pretty, but it’s real and worth listening to.
2. Use “I” statements.
If you’ve been around for a while, you know this isn’t our first time tackling a difficult conversation. Using “I” statements will prevent you from coming off as attacking your friend. Girls in her mindset have a tendency to gaslight their gal pals so stay strong.
Communicate what a healthy connection for you both looks like from one-on-one time away from men to how you’d like to feel when men are around. Aka don’t put me down in front of other guys just to make yourself feel better.
I think people underestimate how dangerous having a boy crazy friend can be. Those are the girls that will leave you alone & intoxicated in a room full of strange men just to go hook up with one. They’ll do ANYTHING for a man so that includes doing anything TO YOU for one
— 𝒦. (@silknymphe) February 28, 2022
3. Girls-girls don’t gaslight…
Understand that she simply may not give a fuck because well.. you’re not a male giving her validation and that’s all she cares about right now. So it might be time to temporarily cut your losses until she gets over this obsession.
4. How do you feel?
Reflect on how this conversation was received. Did you feel heard? Did she take ownership of her actions and apologize if necessary? Did you unknowingly contribute to this dynamic and is there anything you can do to reverse the damage? – Not attacking, this is just a great way to ensure you don’t have any blind spots that could tank the relationship.
Bottom line…
Ideally, you feel heard and your friend has an “OMG, i’m being a boy crazy bitch,” come-to-Jesus moment. If not, it may be time to put this friendship on the back-burner until your friend hopefully outgrows this behavior. Remember, boy crazy girlies often come running back to their friends after a guy breaks their heart but its only as a placeholder until said guy comes back. So be firm in your boundaries and remind your friend that you love them, you’re just hurt and can’t accept a bare-minimum-bestie. Hopefully they’ll come around but in the meantime, start exploring new hobbies – that’s the best way to make new friends!
Best of luck, bae!
For more sex and dating, here are the top 10 kinkiest moments from FW24 runways.
Share this article
