Ask a (S)expert: "Is the Three-Month Rule Cap?"
Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.
Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡
“Is the Three-Month Rule cap?”
Hey bae! The Three-Month Rule is one of those relationship rules that will always be relevant. From Love Island: UK (throwback to Harris from Season 9) to my FYP, this topic is legit everywhere. For those who haven’t stumbled across it on TikTok, the Three-Month Rule is the belief that it will never become exclusive if two people don’t become exclusive within three months. Basically, if you don’t lock in within three months…. you’re headed for a situationship.
Experts have been weighing in on this for years and the consensus is this: relationships tend to ramp up in feelings by month three, encouraging people to decide. But, that doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed if it isn’t exclusive within 90 days.
In non-monogamous relationships, there’s a term called NRE, new relationship energy. As you might already know, the first three months of a connection are like a dream, strapped with rose-colored glasses. After this honeymoon period is over, NRE dies out, This is where you graduate from being able to create a relationship to being able to maintain one. The transition from NRE to normalcy is usually what people are referring to as a Three-Month Rule horror story.
However, some dating experts have coined the term: The feelings gap. This refers to the amount of time it takes people to “decide if a match is worth the commitment,” as we reported in 2022. According to the dating app Inner Circle, 68% of its users split at the three-month mark. Its relationship experts believe this is due to the feelings gap and women being able to decide in three months, while men usually know within a week.
What’s important to remember, is that everyone moves at their own pace. So while the Three-Month Rule may be law to some, others may make their mind up in less time or more. Make sure you’re keeping open communication – like a weekly date night – where you chat about feelings and the pace of the relationship.
Best of luck, bae!
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