Sex & Dating

Ask a (S)expert: "Can My Relationship Recover From Cheating?"

Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.

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Ask a (S)expert: "Can My Relationship Recover From Cheating?"

Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.

Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expertThis new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.

Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡


“Can my relationship work after cheating?”

Hey bae! Cheating can be catastrophic to a relationship. If you’re both intent on healing, the relationship can improve, but it takes a fair amount of maturity and at points… brutal honesty. This is why some couples can only grow with the help of a therapist. However, therapy can be a big feat for many reasons like finances or a simpler truth: we’re young so if you already have to invest in couples therapy… it’s probably time to move on.

But first, is the person who was cheated on willing and able to recover from the pain? This is a question you’ll have to weigh often as healing is a journey, not a destination. What caused the cheating is also a major determining factor. Some people cheat because they feel neglected and others simply lack care and regard for their partner. There are several why someone would cheat so make sure you’re both on the same page about what happened and why. Most importantly, determine if the cause is forgivable.

You also have to take complete accountability. This involves sharing each of those little lies of omission you held onto to avoid conflict. Unfortunately, since you’ve cheated the damage has been done. The only thing that can help you move forward is ownership and honesty so apologize and buckle up for step two.

With this newfound honesty, your partner may feel confused, hurt and angry — all at the same time. They might also need space. It’s important to honor your partners wishes as anything but that can be a trigger, bringing you both right back to square one.

After you’ve both had a cool-off period, I’d establish new boundaries and continue working on trust. For example, is liking another girls picture microcheating?

Keep reading for our favorite couples trust exercises.

1. Make a vision board together. What does a healthy relationship look like to you both? This will help put your healthy relationship into action from defining goals to how you’ll handle future conflict.

2. Practice transparency. Make sure your actions reflect transparency. Not ownership, transparency. Some serial cheaters do things like bring their phone everywhere to avoid any “I went through your phone situations.” Here, transparency would look like leaving your phone behind when you go to the bathroom or sharing your location with your partner indefinitely.

3. Set a recurring date night. This is your home base to explore romance, bond and discuss any ongoing issues. Healing from cheating is hard work and bound to be contentious at points. So, scheduling maintenance time is going to be essential. Bonus points if you document each date night with fit pics! Hopefully, one day you both can look back and admire how far you’ve come.

Best of luck, bae!

For more, here are five benefits of self-pleasure.

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