Ask a (S)expert: "Help! I've Caught Feels In My Situationship"
Welcome to our series hosted by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.
Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡
“Hi! Can you help? I caught the feels with my situationship and I get the vibe he doesn’t feel the same.”
Hey bae! Great question that I get rather frequently. I have to admit, situationships make my head spin as a Sex & Dating Editor because somewhere down the line… someone gave their counterpart false hope. Much like our toxic Sex and the City favs, Carrie Bradshaw and Big, you can sense the relationship isn’t healthy, but that doesn’t make it any easier to ditch.
Contrary to popular belief, a situationship is not a relationship. Situationships are essentially flings that operate in a grey area. You know, you enjoy the sex — and then some — so you start to believe there’s more to the story romantically. It takes strength to remain grounded, take off those rose-colored glasses and face the truth, so go you!
Luckily for you, you’re breaking the cycle right in the midst of summer which leaves room for a new summer fling — if your heart can handle it.
First, you need to be very honest with yourself about this dynamic. Despite how amazing you are, you might not be a good fit for this person right now. Now, as femmes, we sometimes feel like we’d be good for someone, even if they don’t realize it yet. The thing is, someone who can’t see your worth in the present moment is not the match for you. Because if they were, you wouldn’t be chasing their acknowledgment.
Next, be honest about what you truly desire and have the capacity for. Essentially, do you want new love? Or to find a new f-ck buddy? Not being honest about your desires is what led you into this dynamic, so it’s important to be honest with yourself here. For example, if you don’t want a casual relationship, but want consistent sex, you can actively date and have a fuck buddy who provides weekly orgasms. If you choose this route, make sure you set firm boundaries so you don’t fall into the comfort of your FWB, and forget about your main goal: love.
Whichever you desire, have fun!
In other news, here are 5 signs your pet hates your partner.
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