Sex & Dating

Hometown Hookups 101: Where to F-ck, Red Flags and More

With advice from shameless sex expert Bobby Box.

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Hometown hookups admittedly add the perfect razzle-dazzle to the chaos of the holidays. Whether you’re interested in a former bae from high school or working your way to new options, you deserve to prioritize pleasure. To help you secure those stress-free orgasms, we tapped Lovehoney’s shameless sex expert Bobby Box for advice on hooking up at home.

Keep reading for your exclusive advice.

What’s the best way to let someone know you’re interested in hooking up when you return home?

I’ve always been a fan of directness. I think, in this day and age, we all do. There are too many sexual options available these days to dance around what you want. Reach out in the DMs and ask them flat out that you’d like to hook up with them when you get back. If this seems too forward you can say “we should meet up when I’m back,” since it’s still suggestive and at the very least shows interest. If you haven’t talked in a while, this message could be obvious as to what you’re really asking for. That’s the ideal scenario.

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What should one do to prepare before going back home for a hometown hookup?

Sometimes going back home is stressful. Maybe you didn’t have the best experience growing up, you might miss your privacy, maybe your uncle is vocally anti-abortion and you want to rip your ears out.

Sex can help relieve some of the stresses that come from being back home, so I’m all for it, personally. But I understand that sex itself can cause anxiety, especially with a hometown hookup who you may have a history with.

First, you need to find yourself a family-free space. The last thing you want is someone’s nana walking in on you while you’re on all fours. Second, pack a discreet bag with your sex essentials. Condoms, lube, toys, just have them all ready to go ahead of time. It makes things easier and skips a visit to the local CVS where you’ll probably run into at least four people you know. Last, pack something that brings you comfort, since the holidays are stressful and stress can impair sexual function and satisfaction.

What are some red flags or clear signs it’s time to pack it up and leave?

I would say it’s the same red flags that you would apply with anybody. Red flags are boundaries and people need to respect them, always. If at any point you don’t want to continue or you’re second-guessing yourself, pack it up and leave.

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Any ideas for where to hang out the first time you meet up?

I’ve always been a fan of the bar or coffee shop. It’s public, unassuming and every town has one. It’s also an easy place to chat and test for chemistry. Since there will most definitely be a bar or cafe near one of you, it makes for a quick, inexpensive meet-up with a short drive to wherever you’re going to be having your fun. Of course, this all depends on if and how well you know the person. If you’re well acquainted, just invite them over and tell them you want to watch a movie.

Any tips on having quiet sex if you’re sharing housing accommodations?

If there’s no way you can find an empty house, there are some things you can do to lessen the likelihood of others hearing. First, you can choose a time when people are less likely to be actively listening, like during the middle of the night or super early in the morning.

You can also drown out any sexual sounds with music, television, or even a white noise machine. If your bed frame makes a lot of noise, take things elsewhere. Put a mattress, some blankets or pillows on the floor and roll around down there. Pillows also come in handy if you tend to be loud in the throes of passion. Another option is to opt for outercourse over penetration since these acts tend to be much quieter.

How do you keep the hometown hookup in your hometown — respectfully?

Interacting with them on your socials. Like their stories, leave the odd comment on a TikTok. Just stay friendly. You don’t need to talk all the time, but the occasional check-in wouldn’t hurt. Anything more than that sounds like a crush. And this isn’t a crush, it’s a hometown hookup. Unless…

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