How To Spice Up Your Relationship In the New Year
Industry experts share tips for elevating your love and sex lives.
2024 is right around the corner – which means it’s time to revamp your manifestation list and set yourself up for success. On the relationship front, whether you’ve hit a rut and feel disconnected or simply want to avoid the rut by any means, it’s important to invest time into keeping the spark alive. To help you keep the love flowing, we’ve tapped industry experts from pleasure brand Womanizer and Ally couples therapy app, for a few recs.
When it comes to relationship rifts, Ally co-founders, Clara Zelleroth and Helga Johnsson Wennerdal, stated they tend to “stem from expectations not being met. This almost always leads to disappointment.” The solution? “The answer here is not necessarily to lower expectations, but instead to align with your partner on what really matters to you both. This way you can ensure that your most importantly needs are being met, and cut some slack on the superfluous extras.” In these cases, therapy is a helpful tool for healing conflict, but avoiding the rut takes place long before that.
“Couples can set themselves up for success by establishing a realistic baseline of expectations and properly understanding each other’s needs. What takes this a step further is then making a commitment to active listening, appreciating your partner’s efforts,” as its easier to notice your own efforts, while overlooking theirs, and “showing them affection with everyday small acts of love that align with their needs.”
Keep reading for our favorite recs and trends that will spice up your relationship in 2024.
1. ABC Dating
@t0nit0ne Our A-Z #alphabetdating video! I didnt even realise we’ve done ao many cool things 😅♥️ #alphabetdate #dateideas #blackcouple #boyfriend #dating ♬ Snooze – SZA
Alphabet dating is the perfect method to tap when you both desire time together but may have no idea where to start. “Each date night is assigned a letter of the alphabet, and you plan activities or outings that correspond to that letter,” shared experts at The Mind’s Journal.
2. Therapy and Sexual Healing
With the rise of telehealth and self-help apps, technology is making anxiety-provoking situations — like couples and sex therapy — more digestible. As Womanizer’s sexologist, Shamyra Howard, shared in the brand’s 2024 trend report, the “desire to remain connected” will lead to more people “seeking out and receiving sex therapy services.” And you should, too. Get ahead of couples conflicts and elevate your “toolbox” with methods for reconnection, and also tap sex therapy and apps like Rosy for methods on how to enhance your sex lives together, too.
3. Outercourse
Similar to scheduling sex and its added benefits, outercourse and removing the need to orgasm is beneficial for couples, too. But before you freak out at the thought of zero orgasms — hear us out. Outercourse refers to the exploration of pleasure outside of orgasm and penetration. With the removal of pressure, couples battling performance anxiety or struggling with connection have a safe space to simply exist within pleasure.
4. Try new things together
Trying new things together is a tried and true method for building intimacy with your partner.
“When it comes to relationships, variety remains the spice of life. If you feel like you and your partner have lost your mojo then it might well be time to try something new. From our experience, couples who strike the balance between the grind of daily responsibilities and the thrill of new experiences are almost always happier and stay together for longer.
It’s important to demonstrate to each other that you’re willing to try new things. This can be anything from pursuing a new shared hobby like cooking or hiking, changing up your weekend routine, trialing a new date night activity or experimenting with different sex toys. If we’re lucky then life is long, and so an active effort to keep your relationship fresh and exciting is necessary. It doesn’t need to be complicated, it just needs to be a commitment from both parties.”
5. Change locations
Spicing it up isn’t just for the overall relationship — your sex lives may need a reboot, too. Similar to trying new things, exploring pleasure outside of the bedroom, like the kitchen counter, can introduce novelty and excitement, truly elevate your orgasms.
6. Try sex toys
Similar to connecting in new spaces, exploring sex toys is another great hack for spicing it up. Whether you’re trying new clit suckers or trying on your first piece of fetish gear, don’t underestimate the power of (s)exploration. If you need help introducing toys to your relationship, visit our guide.
7. Watch porn together
If sex toys and new spaces aren’t your steez, try watching porn together. Similar to outercourse, it takes the pressure off and gives a sensual visual to ease into. But most important, outercourse offers inspo for your next pleasure session — and new fantasies to hold you over until the next one.
8. Date Nights >
Date nights are usually how relationships begin. So why do we ditch them once the relationship is established? Take your partner to your first date location to reignite the spark. Revisiting places that hold significant value is a great method for reminding eachother of your value in each other’s life and can help make new memories.
Scheduling date nights — is this a safe time to add in scheduling sex, too? — is essential when schedules inevitably get busier and people grow, as you don’t want to grow apart.
9. Tap their love languages
Sometimes, its as easy as helping them simplify their daily routine. Are they an “Acts of Service” lover having a rough week? Surprise them with their favorite dish — even if you have to UberEats it — hold down their house chores when they’re having a sh-t day or even better, give them a foot rub while they tell you about their day.
10. Surprise them with love notes
Call on your inner lover girl because who doesn’t love to receive love letters? Pop a love note or written affirmation in their lunch bag or on the mirror they use in the mornings to remind them you value them. These “small” actions leave a smile on their face long after you’re gone for the day.
11. Book a getaway
Depending on finances, a getaway is the perfect gift. Between vacation sex and uninterrupted intimacy — oh, and relaxation galore — your set for the reboot your relationship needs.
12. Schedule weekly check-ins
“If one thing’s for certain, it’s that life will always throw curveballs,” Ally’s co-founders told Hypebae. “We recommend that every couple dedicates time to reflecting on their core priorities,” they continued. “Typically, it boils down to three things: foresight, communication and an understanding of everyone’s needs.This could be a monthly reminder on your phone, something you do at the start of a new year, or even a process baked into your pre-vacation prep. By regularly carving out just 30 minutes to sit down and discuss your wants, needs and preferences, couples can ensure alignment, prevent misunderstanding and course correct as necessary.”
Be mindful as the “intention here is not to set strict rules or to call anyone out. Instead, it’s to check in with each other and gain a better understanding of where you’re both at and where you’d like to be heading. Approach these conversations with a genuine intent to learn more about your partner’s desires, even (or especially) if they differ from your own. Be transparent, embrace feeling vulnerable, and practice active listening and open questions; that way everyone will feel heard.”
13. Double Dates
Double dates are an amazing way to foster community and also create safe spaces outside of your partner. With this balance, you have a network of people that can — hopefully — offer sound advice in the absence of your partner, weigh in on disputes and automatic bae-cation buddies to encourage fun within your relationship.
14. Support their dreams, endeavors, creativity
As we age, our relationships and responsibilities gain more weight. Remind your partner that you support their goals and dreams by encouraging set time to focus on their craft,
15. Schedule quarterly couples massages for R&R
As Ally founders Zelleroth and Wennerdal stated, times like the holidays only get busier and busier as we age. “When it comes to high-stress situations, we always recommend the ‘less is more’ approach. This can be achieved by communicating your priorities with your partner and making an active effort to reduce your sprawling to-do list. What matters most to you during this period: quality time as a family? Rest and relaxation? New experiences?”
For the ones who’d like to prioritize rest and relaxation, booking a quarterly or recurring couples massage appointment will “set couples up for success by establishing a realistic baseline of expectations and properly understanding each other’s needs.” Take it a step further and budget time for “active listening, appreciating your partner’s efforts (it’s easy to notice your own and overlook theirs) and showing them affection with everyday small acts of love that align with their needs.”
For more sex and dating, here are 15 sex and relationship podcasts that will spice up your sex life.
Share this article
