Ask a (S)expert: "My Boyfriend Won't Go Down On Me..."
Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.
Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡
“What do you say to a man that wants his dick sucked but will not touch me with his tongue. I don’t want to make him mad!”
Hey bae! I hear you on not wanting to argue… but remaining silent when you’re unsatisfied is not a fair compromise. It’s similar to when celeb DJ Khaled stated that he doesn’t give his wife head because he’s a “King.” It’s rooted in mysogyny, and frankly its a tired excuse. Pleasure is not gendered.
For starters, ask yourself why your partner would be comfortable receving oral, but not giving. On a petty level, if you can’t enjoy certain things you’d like to experience during sex, neither should he. If you do confront him and he is mysoginistic, just know he’ll probably hurl all types of “well if you don’t please me, someone else will.” And that’s a good thing — because that opens the door for you to meet someone who can please you too.
A King who doesn’t is no King at all. https://t.co/Jg1GAlfIjI
— Smash Mouth (@smashmouth) May 4, 2018
One a less petty note, one thing I love about men in our culture, is that they usually leave at the first sight of bullsh-t. I highly recommend doing the same. Imagine telling your partner you don’t want to give oral? Would he accept that? Exactly. This is a double standard you should not stand for.
If you do want to keep soft parenting that man-child on the concept of pleasure though, tap the sandwich method we last discussed here. In the meantime, here are our favorite clitoral suction toys you can please yourself with until a new lover comes along :)
For more on sex and dating, new data unpacks the “myth” of “blue balls.“
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