Ask a (S)expert: “Is Self-Pleasure Against the ‘Celibacy Rules’?”
Welcome to our series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.
Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡
“Can I masturbate if I’m celibate?”
Hey bae! As a fellow celibate girlie I love this question! Also, Happy Masturbation May :) When it comes to celibacy there are two styles: partial and complete. Here’s what this means.
Partial celibacy is for the girls who aren’t having partnered sex but are still enjoying masturbation. Complete celibacy is for the girls who are abstaining from all sexual interactions for solo to partnered pleasure.
It’s important to ask yourself: “Which do I prefer?” Remember its your sexuality, your pleasure and you make the rules here! Given the framing of your question, I’m guessing you don’t want to ditch self-pleasure and that’s absolutely okay.
My best tip, though, is find alternative forms of pleasure. Aka, don’t underestimate the power of a good makeout sesh. Think of your last breakup. You probably processed the grief with a tub of ice cream — or whatever your vice equivalent is. The point is, when you remove one thing you love, you have to replace it with something healthy.
Unfortunately, the best fix for lack of partnered sex is the gym, which I understand doesn’t sound enticing. But you know what does sound fun? Enjoying other forms of intimacy like a hot makeout or cuddle sesh. By having other forms of intimacy to pivot to with partners, you’re more likely to respect your boundaries versus feeling deprived from pleasure.
Sex toys are another form of alternative pleasure that can keep your sex life spicy. If you’ve always kept the same vibrator close out of habit, take some time to explore new toys. It also has a number of health benefits from improving sleep to stress relief and increasing confidence.
Moral of the story is, self-pleasure is your right. So you explore it however you deem fit.
Best of luck, bae!
G ♡
In other news, how much self-pleasure is “too much?”
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