How to Talk About Your Past Sex Life With Your Partner
Let’s leave the “body count” convo in 2021.
Communicating about sex is historically taboo, and unfortunately that leaves people at a disadvantage. Women worry about being “too loose,” men culturally run more freely and those on the LGBTQ+ side of the spectrum have to hide in fear.
The truth that most were left out on is that your sex life says a lot more about you than simply what you enjoy. Sex expert Laurie Watson shares that It actually reveals your “inner world, secrets, desires and capacities for love and pleasure.” Ignoring this truth can set you up for way more than just bad sex.
With societal pressures involved, it makes sense that some want to avoid this conversation. However, if you’re ready to dive deep and truly get intimate with your partner, here are some red and green flags for approaching this conversation.
When approaching the past, avoid asking about your partner’s body count. According to Watson, that’s a major red flag. Instead, try asking open-minded and open ended questions. For example, asking about what drew them to others sexually. “Who initiated the sexual encounter?” and “what were your favorite moments?” are other great questions that can fill you in on who your partner was in past relationships.
It’s also important to be positive, not critical. This is your partner’s intimate sex life. The topic should be approached with care and vulnerability, not shame. That way, your partner knows that you are communicating with love and understanding. A green flag during this conversation would be your partner expressing emotional intelligence. A red flag in the emotional intelligence department can range from getting extremely jealous, judgemental or feeling inadequate.
Keep in mind that it’s normal to find this conversation a little difficult. They can feel uneasy, but should never be disrespectful towards you or your sexuality.
Share this article
