Relationship Expert Shares Tips for Navigating Polyamory on Valentine's Day
Courtesy of sexual wellness brand, LELO.
As polyamory continues to trend for Gen Z and Millenials, many people are navigating the intricacies of having multiple lovers, at a time. Considering society doesn’t come with a rulebook, this can make holidays like the day of love, feel less lovey-dovey and more anxiety-inducing, as you want to ensure everyone feels appreciated.
To help you have a stress-free and pleasure-filled Valentine’s Day, Kate Moyle, LELO’s in-house sex and relationship expert shares her best tips.
Planning and communication are everything
“Planning and communication are important factors in all relationships but become more important with an increase in the number of people involved. Making sure everyone is aware of plans is important for nobody feeling unintentionally sidelined or de-prioritized and so prior agreement around arrangements is key if you are celebrating valentines. Celebrations for valentines don’t always have to happen on the day either, and there are specific events for multi-partner relationships such as Lelo’s restaurant for throuples which took place last year.”
Remember your rulebook
“Some partners have transparency, and others have a ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ approach to their relationships – there is a huge scale of variability and only you and your partners can decide what’s best for you. It can be important to check in with each other about this for something like a specific celebration or event so that you don’t get stuck in the trap of comparing between partners, as often different partnerships also enjoy different things and each relationship is unique.”
Don’t put too much pressure on it.
“A part of this is about communicating expectations – and remembering that opportunity to show love and affection doesn’t have to revolve around a set day or more publicly recognized diary date such as Valentine’s. It may be that it’s a really important celebration for one partner and not for the other, and so it can be an easier decision about who to spend the actual day with or that you need to set your own valentines dates for separate partners.”
Appreciation isn’t date dependent
“Much of what is publicized about Valentine’s day is that it’s to showcase love, affection and appreciation and there are many ways that we can do this. If you aren’t spending the day with one of your partners, then you can find ways to show your other partner/s that they are important to you – often it’s not what we do but the thought and feeling that we feel are behind something that is most important which is why the little gestures can mean so much.”
For more on poly life, read our ENM-friendly date night tips.