Ask a (S)expert: “I Hate My Partner’s Friends... What Do I Do?”
Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.
Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡
“What do I do if I hate my partner’s friend?”
Hey bae! This is definitely a layered question considering in most cases, your lover’s friends have been around longer than you have. We’ve also been conditioned to believe that birds of a feather flock together so you may be questioning a lot. The issue is, their friends are their community, so suggesting otherwise can make you appear as a red flag…
First, I’d make note of how your partner interacts with this friend. Do they only engage in private one-on-one settings versus group settings? This may indicate that they are aware their friend has interesting behaviors that may not align, and they’ve already set boundaries for how they interact with each other.
On the same note, I’d check in with your partner and let them know that you don’t feel connected to their friend or that you’re struggling to relate and find common ground. If their friend is offensive in any way, this is a great time to bring this up — we’ll also unpack this later. If they’re not offensive, ideate ways to find common ground together. After all, your partner knows you and their friend best. If this doesn’t work, pivot to the next step.
If attempting to find common ground fails, it’s time to set those healthy boundaries. For example, maybe you only interact with that friend in group settings where there’s limited interaction. Think of the environment’s you’d be most tolerant of each other in, and only say yes to plans that abide by those standards.
Finally, do not set any ultimatums. Ultimatums are essentially threats that force your lover to abide by your rules, instead of offering a compromise or negotiation, like boundaries do.
Best of luck bae!
In other news, you can now get paid $5k to test your sex hormones.
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