Ask a (S)expert: “Why Does Love Bombing Work on Me?”
Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.
Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡
“How to practice patience and move slowly when you’ve met a real man who wants to do so? You’re neurodivergent and used to love bombing, just trying to tell yourself that they still like you although it may look different. SOS HELP!”
Oooof, hey bae! This is the moment you know you’re maturing and becoming a woman. Trust, we’ve all been here. When you’re young, you’re more inclined to “go with the flow” and have fun, after all… what do you have to lose? But as you get older, responsibilities increase and you’ll hopefully meet partners who are more intentional about who they partner up with, or in your case, enjoy sex with.
But, I have to admit — and men know this too — when you don’t bring up sex it builds sexual tension. A mature man will do this because he one, wants to make sure you’re both comfortable with each other before bringing up sex. And two, sex and pillow talk can cloud judgment, so he wants to be sure that you’re both a good fit for each other, before increasing investments into the dynamic. Also, its just hot as f-ck when someone has the range for both romance and arousal.
As a fellow neurospicy queen, reading social cues is not always our forte, so acts like love bombing may not appear to be harmful or as a red flag. If you do peep the signs of love bombing but opt for it because it feels good… that’s self-sabotage. Check out this guide here. Whichever the reason is, you’re maturing and you now have sh-t to lose so its important to mature sexually and romantically, too.
So, how do you do that? Well first, it seems like you understand the importance of patience which is a green flag on your behalf. This is a sign of growth — so be proud of yourself! Next, ask yourself why it feels difficult to take things slow. Is the sexual tension overbearing? Do you prefer sex instead of romance? Whatever the reason, make sure that connection outside of sex is something you desire. If so, let’s move on to the next step!
After your moment of self-reflection, create a “rule of thumb” for respecting both your and your beau’s boundaries. For example, if you get the urge to rip their clothes off mid-date, remind yourself why you’re waiting. One, to respect your beau’s boundaries, but also because you know that connections take time to build. Jumping into sex can cloud judgment because it quite literally releases oxytocin which can make you feel like you have the feels, even if you don’t.
We live in a world where slut-shaming is the norm so I have to state this here: If you want a purely sexual relationship that’s okay. But just note that that may not align with this person’s goals and you may not be a good fit for each other.
And lastly, you’re so correct: healthy connection looks and feels different. Especially if you’re used to love bombing. Someone who is mature and likes you may be nervous, but they’ll be clear in their intentions with you. They’re also consistent in how and when they communicate with you. If this person is a good match for you, they’ll reassure you — and you can ask for reassurance too!
Remember, good things come to those who wait. And you’re absolutely worth waiting for!
In other news, “masturbation pockets” and exposed butts are all the hype rn.
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