There are few things more frustrating than lack of clarity and poor communication in a relationship. Those dating behaviors have left women in their heads for years trying to figure out how others feel about them. Some call it pick-me tendencies, while others just want to know where things are going. Even Sex and the City‘s Miranda Hobbes got caught up in the trope but was relieved when her friend’s boyfriend uttered the words “he’s just not that into you.” The iconic friend group was up in arms, but Miranda was relieved at the simple answer. For the remainder of the episode, she acted as if she was let in on the ultimate dating secret. In 2009, Jennifer Aniston starred in the movie He’s Just Not That Into You, which was inspired by Miranda’s epiphany.
The bottom line is that, when someone values the bond they’re building with you, they’ll avoid running away from you. Sometimes, people are genuinely interested in you but have too much going on, and that’s realistic. Someone who cares will communicate that and let you be before they cause more harm than good.
So, is knowing that they’re just not that into you enough for most? Nope. After all, you deserve clarity, but if you’re waiting on another person for that — you may be waiting forever. If you suspect that you’re being blown off, here are some telltale signs. Just don’t forget to use your discernment.
1. They reply to your phone calls with a text.
It’s normal to reply to a phone call with a text occasionally. As adults, we’re busy, and in the age of working from home, we’re often on a call. But, if every phone call you make is replied to with a text, you’re being brushed off.
2. They don’t follow up after your date(s).
This is a clear sign they don’t want to continue exploring the connection. And yes, you can follow up after a date if you despise gender roles. In that case, a dry, vague reply would be equally as telling that they’re not into you.
3. They often seem cold or distracted.
Someone who values the bond they’re creating with you will communicate their change in availability beforehand. If that’s not possible, adults know that they can take ownership for falling short, apologize and request to schedule time together.
4. They use closed body language.
Body language is a great way to read someone because the body follows the mind. Some signs of closed body language are angling their body slightly away from you during a one-on-one conversation, checking their phone in front of their chest or crossing their arms. If this is the case, they may be subconsciously telling you they’re not interested.
5. They willingly talk about their ex, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Everyone knows that talking about your ex is a sign that you haven’t moved on, but some people will intentionally use this to turn you off so they don’t have to awkwardly reject you. Take the hint and free yourself.
6. There’s a lack of clarity about their intentions with you.
If you feel stuck in your head and have to repeatedly ask them how they feel about you, that’s a red flag. People with good, clear intentions don’t mind revealing them. Remember, people can get nervous when communicating, but if they blatantly avoid giving you clarity, it may be time to move on.