Sex & Dating

How Do I Talk About Kink With My New Partner?

Sex and dating expert Gigi Engle weighs in with her best tips.

4.7K

Between sh-tty sex education and post-pandemic social anxiety, discussing kink with a lover(s) can be stressful. To help curb those feels, sex and dating expert from 3Fun threesome dating app, Gigi Engle, shared her best advice for having a respectful and kinky conversation with your lover(s).

How do you talk about kinks with a new partner?

Fear and discomfort around bondage and kink typically come out of misunderstanding what BDSM is — and is not. It kind of feels like there is a “people who do kink” camp and then a “vanilla people” camp. It really isn’t this way at all. Kink is super accessible to everyone and a lot of us have either tried it or wanted to. If you’ve been having fantasies about tying your partner up, getting spanked, being spanked or getting blindfolded, that is completely normal.

Do your research to help you understand what’s out there and to hone in on what looks good to you. It will be easier to ask for what you want if you actually *know* what you want to try. If your partner asks, “Why does this appeal to you?” or “What do you want to do?” you should be able to provide a reasonable answer. I suggest checking out the podcasts Sex and Psychology, Why Are People Into That, and The Leather Couch. Also, check out The Knotty Boys, who have great resources on kink.

When do you talk about kinks with new love interests?

This is a complex question without an easy answer. The simplest one: Whenever it feels right for you. If kink is a big part of your sexual identity, it might be a good idea to get this out in the open as soon as possible. This way, you’re not wasting your time. But everyone will have a different and totally valid feeling about when is the right time to talk about this.

What’s a green flag response?

A green flag response is one of openness and curiosity – even if they aren’t game to try BDSM, they should be able to listen to you and offer empathy. Feeling heard and seen are what is most important. They may want to try some things, and they may not, but that doesn’t mean they make you feel badly about the things you desire.

Read Full Article
Text By
and
Share this article

What to Read Next

adidas and IVY PARK Launch Drop 7: "PARK TRAIL"
Fashion

adidas and IVY PARK Launch Drop 7: "PARK TRAIL"

With a campaign starring Georgia Palmer, Ice Spice, Offset and Devon Aoki.

Louis Vuitton FW23 Mens' Collection Celebrates Never Growing Up
Fashion

Louis Vuitton FW23 Mens' Collection Celebrates Never Growing Up

Tapping Colm Dillane as the brand’s first co-designer after Virgil Abloh.

Vanessa Hudgens Reacts to Ex Austin Butler's Elvis Presley Accent
Entertainment

Vanessa Hudgens Reacts to Ex Austin Butler's Elvis Presley Accent

And the joke involves Lady Gaga.

Harrods Launches LABELHOOD Pop-Up for Lunar New Year
Fashion

Harrods Launches LABELHOOD Pop-Up for Lunar New Year

Alongside a Spring festival afternoon tea inspired by the Year of the Rabbit.

This $33 USD Mascara Is the Key to Kim Kardashian’s Infamous XXL Lashes
Beauty

This $33 USD Mascara Is the Key to Kim Kardashian’s Infamous XXL Lashes

“Y’all better come get one of these.” — Kim K, probably.

RBD To Go On Tour for the First Time in 15 Years
Music

RBD To Go On Tour for the First Time in 15 Years

Kicking off this summer.

UPDATE: Selena Gomez Confirms She's Single Amidst Drew Taggart Dating Rumors
Entertainment

UPDATE: Selena Gomez Confirms She's Single Amidst Drew Taggart Dating Rumors

The supposed relationship would be Gomez’s first known romance since Justin Bieber.

AURALEE Debuts Another New Balance Collab on the Runway
Footwear

AURALEE Debuts Another New Balance Collab on the Runway

This time, reimagining the 1906R silhouette for Fall/Winter 2023.

'Emily In Paris' Star Lucas Bravo Walks Louis Gabriel Nouchi's FW23 Runway
Fashion

'Emily In Paris' Star Lucas Bravo Walks Louis Gabriel Nouchi's FW23 Runway

From Chef Gabriel to American Psycho.

Celebrate the Year of the Rabbit With Red Pockets From Your Favorite Brands
Fashion

Celebrate the Year of the Rabbit With Red Pockets From Your Favorite Brands

Featuring Loewe, Gucci, Fendi and more.

More ▾
 

Looks like you’re using an ad-blocker

We charge advertisers instead of our readers. Support us by whitelisting our site.

Whitelist Us

How to Whitelist Us

screenshot
  1. Click the AdBlock icon in the browser extension area in the upper right-hand corner.
  2. Under “Pause on this site” click “Always”.
  3. Refresh the page or click the button below to continue.
screenshot
  1. Click the AdBlock Plus icon in the browser extension area in the upper right-hand corner.
  2. Block ads on – This website” switch off the toggle to turn it from blue to gray.
  3. Refresh the page or click the button below to continue.
screenshot
  1. Click the AdBlocker Ultimate icon in the browser extension area in the upper right-hand corner.
  2. Switch off the toggle to turn it from “Enabled on this site” to “Disabled on this site”.
  3. Refresh the page or click the button below to continue.
screenshot
  1. Click the Ghostery icon in the browser extension area in the upper right-hand corner.
  2. Click on the “Ad-Blocking” button at the bottom. It will turn gray and the text above will go from “ON” to “OFF”.
  3. Refresh the page or click the button below to continue.
screenshot
  1. Click the UBlock Origin icon in the browser extension area in the upper right-hand corner.
  2. Click on the large blue power icon at the top.
  3. When it turns gray, click the refresh icon that has appeared next to it or click the button below to continue.
screenshot
  1. Click the icon of the ad-blocker extension installed on your browser.You’ll usually find this icon in the upper right-hand corner of your screen. You may have more than one ad-blocker installed.
  2. Follow the instructions for disabling the ad blocker on the site you’re viewing.You may have to select a menu option or click a button.
  3. Refresh the page or click the button below to continue.